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第8章意犹未尽的思念（8）
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Idon'tthinkIwillbewritiersmanymoreyearsandIwishyouwouldreadthislettertwice—bitterasitmayseeYouwillrejeow，butatalaterperiodsomeofitmayebacktoyouastruth.WhenI'mtalkingtoyou，youthinkofmeasanolderperson，an"authority"，andwhenIspeakofmyownyouthwhatIsaybeesuoyou—fortheyoung'tbelieveihoftheirfathers.Butperhapsthislittlebitwillbeuaitinwriting.
WhenIwasyeIlivedwithagreatdreaThedreamgrewandIlearospeakofitaehedreamdividedonedaywheomarryyourmotherafterall，eventhoughIkneoiledanogoodtome.IwassorryimmediatelyIhadmarriedherbut，beihosedays，madethebestofitandgottoloveherinanotherway.Yougandftimewemadequitealotofhappiofourlives.ButIwasamandivided—shewaoworktoomuchforherandnotenoughformydreaSherealizedtoolatethatwnity，andtheonlydignity，aobywherself，butitwastoolateandshebrokeandisbrokenforever.
Itwastoolatealsoformetorecoupthedamage—Ihadspentmostofmyresources，spiritandmaterial，oIstruggledoillmyhealthcollapsed，andallIcaredaboutwasdrinkaing.
&akeImadewasmarryingher.Webeloodifferentworlds—shemighthavebeenhappywithakindsimplemaninasarden.Shedidn'thavethestrengthfstage—sometimesshepretended，aeifully，butshedidn'thaveit.Shewassoftwhensheshouldhavebeenhard，andhardwhensheshouldhavebeenyielding.Shey—she'spassedthatfailingontoyou.
FtimeIhatedhermhernothinginthelineofgoodhabit—nothingbut"gettingby"a.Iedtoseeagaininthishhtupasidlers.Andoneofmychiefdesiresiokeepythatkindofperson，sruintothemselvesandothers.Wheoshnsataboutfourteen，Iyselfwiththeideathatyouweretooprecocioussodastrictschoolwouldfixthings.ButsometimesIthinkthatidlersseemtobeaspecialnothingbeplanned，pleadasohthem—theironlytributiontothehumanfamilyistowarmaseatattheontable.
Myrefdaysareover，andifyouarethatwayIdon'twanttogeyou.ButIdon'twabyidlersinsidemyfamilyorout.Iwantmyenergiesandmyearningsforpeoplewhotalkmylanguage.
Ihavebeguyoudon't.Youdon'trealizethatwhatIamdoihelasttiredeffortofamanwhoonethiter.Thereisnoteny，orcallitmooyonewhoisdeadweightandIamangryafulinmysoulwheIamdoingthis.Peoplelike—andyourmothermustbecarriedbecausetheirillhemuseless.Butitisadifferentstorythatyouhavespenttwnousefulroviheryourbodynoryourmind，butreamsandreamsofdrearyletterstodrearypeople，withnopossibleobjectexceptobtaininginvitationswhichyouotaccept.Thoon，evenihatIknowyourwholetripnowisonelongwaitiislikeanoldgossipwhootstillhertongue.
Youhavereachedtheagewhenoneisofioanadultonlyinsofarasoohaveafuture.Themindofalittlechildisfasg，foritlooksonoldthingswithabouttwelvethisges.Theadolest，othing，saynothingthattheadultotdwithyouinBaltimore（andyouhavetoldHaroldthatIalterrid，bywhieaimesIwassoiohaveT.B.ortoretireiowrite，forIhadlittlesociallifeapartfromyou）represehertoodomestiebyyourmother'sillIeopHatsandTelephohedayyousdangschool，lesswilli...
Tosumup:Whatyouhavedoopleasemeormakemeproudispraegligiblesiimeyoumadeyooddiveratdnowyouaresofterthanyouhaveeverbeen）.Inyourcareerasa"wildsocietygirl"，vintageof1925，I'med.Idon'twantanyofit—itwouldboreme，likediningwiththeRitzBrothers.WhenIdonotfeelyoi;，yourpaodepressmeforthesillywasteandtrivialityiheotherhand，whenoallyIseesigentioninyou，thereisnopanyintheworldIprefer.Forthereisnodoubtthatyouhavesomethinginyourbelly，sustoforlife—arealdreamofyourown—aowedittosomethingsolidbeforeitwastoolate—asitwastoolateforyourmothertolearnanythiaroundtoit.OnyouspokeFrenchasachilditwasengwithyouroddbitsofknowledge—nowyourversationisasonplaceasifyou'dspewoyearsintheHollowHighSchool—whatyousawinLifeandreadinSexyRomances.
IshalleEastiyourboat—butthisletterisadethatIamerestedinyourpromissoryonlyinwhatIsee.IloveyoualwaysbutIamoedbypeoplewhothinkandworkasIdoanditisn'tlikelythatIshallgeatmyage.Whetheryouwill—orwaobeseen.
Daddy
&ro-Goldoration
&y，ia
July7，1938
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