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LuXun
TranslatedbyYangHsien-yiandGladysYang
[1]WhenIwasyoungI，too，hadmaofthemcametotten，butIseenothinginthistret.Fhregthepastmaymakeyouhappy，itmaysometimesalsomakeyoulohereisnopointinginspirittolonelybygonedays.However，mytroubleisthatIpletely，aorieshaveresultedfromwhatIhavebeeoerasefrommymemory.
[2]FormorethanfouryearsIusedtogo，almostdaily，toapawoamedieshop.IberhowoldIwastheerinthemedieshopwasthesameheightasI，andthatinthepawwicemyheight.Iusedtohariothetertwicemyheight，takethemohpt，thengototheterthesameheightasItobuymediyfatherwhohadlongbeenill.Ourherthingstokeepmebusy，forsihephysiadeoutthepressn，heusedunusualdrugs:alupinwinter，sugar-ethathadbeenthreeyearsexposedtofrost，twis，andardisia...allofwhichweredifficulttoprocure.Butmyfather’sillfrombadtoworseuntilhedied.
[3]Ibelievethosewhosinkfromprosperitytopovertywillprobablye，intheprocess，touandwhattheworldisreallylike.IwaotheKsperhapsbecauseIwasinsearchofageofsdfaces.Therewasnothingformymothertodhtdollarsfexpenses，andsayImightdoasIpleased.Thatshecriedwasonlynatural，foratthattimetheprwastostudytheclassidtaketheofficialexaminatioudied“fs”
waslookeddownuponasafellowg，who，outofdesperation，wasforcedtosellhissndevils.
[4]Besides，shewassorrytopartwithme.Buti，IwenttoheKsditwastherethatIheardforthefirsttimethenamesofsuchsubjeaturalsce，arithmetic，geography，histandphysiing.Theyhadnophysiologycourse，butoodblosofsuchworksasAheHumanBodyandEssaysoryandHygiehetalkaionsofphysisIhadknoarih，Icametothethosephysismustbeeitherunwitties;aosympathizewiththeinvalidsandfamilieswhosufferedattheirhands.FromtraoriesIalsolearheJapaiioagreatextent，withtheintroduofWesternmedicetoJapan.
[5]TheseinklingstookmetoaprovincialmedicalJapaifuldreamthatooaIwouldcurepatieher，whohadbeenwroed，whileifwarbrokeoutIwouldserveasanarmydoctor，atthesametimestrengtheningmyen’sfaithiion.
[6]Idonotknowwhatadvahodsareoreachmicrobiology，butatthattimelanternslideswereusedtoshowthemidifthelededearly，theinstruightshowslidesofnaturalseryorofillupthetime.ThiswasduringtheRusso-JapaneseWar，sothereweremanywarfilms，andIhadtojoininthegahelecturehallalongwiththeotherstudents.ItwasalongtimesinceIhadseenanypatriots，butonedayIsawafilmshowingsomeese，oneofwhomwasbouhersstoodaroundhiTheywereallstroappearedpletelyapathetigtotheehhishandsboundywfortheRussians，whowastohavehisheadcutoffbytheJapaaryasawarningtoothers，whiletheesebesidehimhadetoeacle.
[7]BeforethetermwasoverIhadleftforTokyo，becauseafterthisfilmIfeltthatmediportahepeopleofaweakandbackwardtry，haheymaybe，lyservetobemadeexamplesof，ortowitnesssuchfutilespectaditdoeserhowmanyofthemdieofillimportantthing，therefore，wastogetheirspirit，atimeIfeltthatliteraturewasthebestmeanstothiseopromotealiterarymovement.ThereweremasinTokyostudyinglaw，politice，physidchemistry，evenpiudyiureorart.However，eveninthisumosphereIwasfortuofindsomekis.Wegatheredthefewothersweneeded，andafterdisourfirststep，ofcourse，ublishamagazileofwhiotedthatthiswasah.Aswewerethenratherclassied，wecalleditXinSheng（NewLife）.
[8]Wheimeforpublidrewnear，someofourtributorsdroppedout，andthenourfuhdrawn，untilfinallytherewereonlythreeofusleft，andwewerepenniless.Siartedazianunluckyhour，therewasnaturallyowhomweplainwhelaterevehreeweredesti，andourdisfuturehadtocease.SoehisabortiveNewLife.
[9]OnlylaterdidIfeelthefutilityofitall;atthattimeIdidnotreallyuandanythiifaman’sproposalsmetroval，itshoulden;iftheymetwithopposition，itshouldmakehimfightback;buttherealtragedyforhimwastoliftuphisvoigthelivihnorespoherapprovalnoropposition，justasifhewerelefthelplessinabou.SoIbegantofeellonely.
[10]Andthisfeelingoflonelinessgrewdaybyday，gaboutmysoullikeahugepoisoinspiteofmyunatablesadnoindignation;forthisexperiencehadmademerefledseethatIwasdefiheheroictypewhocouldrallymultitudesathiscall.
[11]However，myloobedispelled，foritwasgmeagony.SoIusedvariousmeanstodullmysehbyiofthetimeandturnierIexperieerlonelinessandsadness，whiotliketorecall，preferringthatitshouldperishwithme.StillmyattempttodeadeunsuccessfulIhadlosttheenthusiasmandfervourofmyyouth.
[12]Iherewerethreeroomswhereitwassaidawomanhadlivedwhohahelocusttreeiyard.Althoughthetreehadgrownsotallthatitsbranchesoloheroomsremaied.ForsomeyearsIstayedhere，ss.Ihadfewvisitors，therewerenopolitisorissuesiions，andmyomylifeshouldslipquietlyawaylikethis.hts，wheoomanymosquitoes，Iwouldsituree，wavingmyfanandlookingatthespeckshthethickleaves，whilethecaterpillarswhichcameoutintheeveningwouldfall，iyneck.
[13]Theonlyvisitortoeforanoaltalkwasmyoldfriend-yi.Hewouldputhisbigportfoliodowable，takeoffhislonggown，andsitfagme，lookingasifhisheartwasstillbeatingfastafterbravingthedogs.
[14]“Whatistheuseofgthese?”
hedemandedinquisitivelyo，afterlhtheinssIhadcopied.
[15]“all.”
[16]“Thenwhy?”
[17]“Fornoparticularreason.”
[18]“Ithinkyoumightwritesomething...”
[19]Iuheywereeditingthemagazih，buthithertothereseemedtohavebeeion，favourableorotherwise，aheymustbefeelinglonely.Ho>
[20]“Imagineanirowindows，absolutelyiible，lefastasleepinsidewhowillsoondieofsuffo.Butyoukheywilldieintheirsleep，theywillhepaih.Nowifyoucryaloudtowakeafewofthelightersleepers，makiunatefewsuffertheagonyofirrevocabledeath，doyouthihemagoodturn?”
[21]“Butifafewawake，you’tsaythereisroyingtheironhouse.”
[22]True，inspiteofmyown，Iotblotouthope，forhopeliesiure.Iyowehisassertionthatitmightexist.SoIagreedtowrite，awasmyfirststory，AMadman’sDiary.Fromthattimeonwards，I，andwouldwritesomesortofshortstoryfromtimetotimeattherequestoffriends，untilIhadmorethahe
[23]Asformyself，Inolongerfeelaoexpressmyself;yet，perhapsbecauseIhavetenthegriefofmypastloneliness.Isometimescallout，tethosefightersingonihattheydo.Whethermycryisbraveorsad，repellentorridiculous，Idonotcare.However，siisas，Imustnaturallyobeymygeneral’sorders.ThisiswhyIofteoinnuendoes，aswhehappearfromheson’sgraveinMedie，whileinTomorrowIdidnotsaythatFourthShan’sWifehadnodreamsofherlittleboy.ForourchiefsthepessimisAndI，formypart，didnotwahelonelinessIhadfoundsobitterthoseyoungpeoplewhowerestilldreamidreams，justasIhaddonewhenyoung.
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