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Text，TheAmbiguous，andMyself
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[1]Duriastrophicasalittleboyandlivedie，woodedvalleyonShikokuIslandintheJapaneseArchipelago，thousandsofmilesawayfromhere.AtthattimethereweretwobooksbywhichIwasreallyfasated:TheAdventuresofHuckleberryFinnandTheWonderfulAdventuresofNils.TheasthenengulfedbywavesofhHuckleberryFiIwasabletojustifymyagiainightandsleepingamohaseywhichIeverfindiagonistofTheWonderfulAdventuresofNilsistraoalittlecreature，uandsbirds’languageandmakesaurousjourney.Iderivedfromthestorysensuouspleasuresofvariouskinds.Firstly，livingasIwoodontheIslandofShikokujustasmyaorshaddonelongago，Ihadarevelationthatthisworldandthiswayoflifethereweretrulyliberating.Sedly，IfeltsympathetitifiedmyselfwithNils，anaughtylittleboy，whSweden，cwithandfightingforthewildgeese，transformshimselfintoaboy，stillifullofceaswellasmodesty.Oneatlast，ohisparents.IthinkthatthepleasureIderivedfromthestoryatitshighestlevelliesinthelanguage，becauseIfeltpurifiedandupliftedbyspeakingalongwithNils.
[2]AfterIgotmarried，thefirsttouswasmentallyhandicapped.WenamedhimHikari，meaning“Light”
inJapanese.Asababyherespoothechirpsofwildbirdsaohumanvoierwhenhewassixyearsate.Heheardapairofwaterrailswarblingfromthelakebeyondagrove，ahthevoientatofwildbirds，“Theyarewaterrails.”
Thiswasthefirstmomentmysoeredhumanwords.ItwasfromthenonthatmywifeandIbeganhavingverbaluniwithourson.
[3]HikarinowworksatavoaltraireforthehandiinstitutionbasedofromSwedeimehehasbeenposingworksofmusic.BirdsweretheinatorsthatoediatedhisanmusiybehalfHikarihasthusaplishedtheprophecythatImightonedayuhelanguageofbirds.ImustsayalsothatmylifewouldhavebeenimpossiblebutformywifewithherabundantfemalefordwisdoShehasbeentheveryinofAkka，theleaderofNils’swildgeese.TogetherwithherIhaveflowntoStoaheprophecieshasalso，tomyutmostdelight，no>
[4]KawabataYasuJapaoodonthisplatformasawiheNobelPrizeiure，deliveredaletitledJapaiful，awasatoifulandvague.IhaveusedtheEnglishwueasahatanese“aimaina”
.ThisJapaivecouldhaveseveralaltersEnglishtranslation.ThekindofvagueKateddeliberatelyisimpliediselfofhislecture.
[5]UitleKawabatatalkedaboutauniquekindofmysticismwhidnotonlyibutalsomorewidelyOrientalthought.By“unique”
ImeaeowardsZenBuddhisEveh-turywriter，KaictshisstateofmihepoemswrittenbymedievalZenmonks.Mostofthesepoemsareedwiththelinguisticimpossibilityoftellingtruth.
[6]WhydidKawabataboldlydecidetoreadthoseextremelyesoterisiheaudieo?Ilookbackalmosthtforwardbraverywhichheattaiowardstheendofhisdistinguisheddwithwhichhemadesufessionofhisfaith.Kawabatahadbeenanartisticpilgrimfordecadesduringwhichheproduasterpieces.Afterthoseyearsofhispilgrimage，onlybymakingaastohowhewasfasatedbysuaccessibleJapabaffleafullytouhem，washeabletotalkabout“Japaiful，ais，abouttheworldinwhichhelivedaurewhichhecreated.
[7]Totellyouthetruth，ratherthanwithKaatriotwhostoodheretwenty-sixyearsago，IfeelmorespiritualaffinitywiththeIrishpoetWilliamButlerYeats，ardedaNobelPrizeiureseventyowheaboutthesameageasme.OfcourseIwouldorahepoetiiusYeats.Iammerelyahumblefinatryfarremovedfromhis.AsWilliamBlake，whoseworkYeatsrevaluedahehighplaceitholdsiury，oe:“AcrossEuropeandAsiatodJapaning’s.”
[8]Yeatsisthewriterinouldliketofollow.Iwouldliketodosoforthesakeofaionthathasediyofnations”
butratheronatoftheteologyirieeringanditsmaomobiles.AlsoIwouldliketodosoasaofsuationedinto“insahusiasmofdestru”
bothonitsownsoilandonthatoftheneighbnations.
[9]Assomeoneliviwouldsuchasthisoneandsharingbittermemoriesofthepastimprintedonmymind，IotutterinunisonwithKahrase“JapaifulandMyself”
.AmomentagoItouthe“vaguehetitleaofKawabata’slecture.Iwouldliketousethewuous”
inacewiththedistinadebytheemiishpoetKathleenRaine;sheonBlakethathewasnotsomuchvagueasambiguous.Iottalkaboutmyselfotherwisethanbysaying“Japan，theAmbiguous，andMyself”
.
[10]Myobservationisthatafterowentyyearsofmodernizatioheopeniry，present-dayJapanissplitbetweentwooppositepolesofambiguity.Itooamlivingasawriterwiththispolarizationimprintedonmelikeadeepscar.
[11]Thisambiguitywhichissopoehatitsplitsboththestateanditspeopleinvariousways.ThemodernizationofJapaatedtfromandimitatiJapanissituatedinAsiaandhasfirmlymairaditionalculture.TheambiguousorientationofJapahetothepositionofaninvaderinAsia.OheodernJapan，whichimpliedbeingthhlyopeoratleastthatimpededuandi.Whatwasmore，JapanwasdrivenintoisolationfromotherAsiaonlypoliticallybutalsosodculturally.
[12]IoryofmodernJapahewritersmostsindawareoftheirmissiohose“post-hototheliteraryseimmediatelyafterthelastlywouhecatastropheyetfullofhopeforarebirth.TheytriedaiheinhumanatroittedbyJapaaryforAsiantries，aswellastetheprofoundgapsthatexistednotohedevelopedtriesoftheanbutalsobetweenAfridLatinAmeritriesandJapan.Onlybydoingsodidtheythinkthattheycouldseekwithsomehumilityrewiththerestoftheworld.Ithasalwaysbeenmyaspirationtogtotheveryendoftheliliterarytraditiohosewriters.
[13]an’s“ambiguity”
iureisakindoficdiseasethathasbeehroughouttheme.Japan’seicprosperityiseither，apaisbyallkindsofpotentialdahelightofthestructureofworldeyandealservation.The“ambiguity”
iseemstobeag.Itmaybemoreobvioustothecriticaleyesoftheworldatlargethantouswithiry.Atthenadirofthepost-wareicpovertywefoundaresilie，neverlosingourhopeforreaysoundcurioustosayso，butweseemtohavenolessresilieoendureouratheominousgoutofthepresey.Fromaofview，aioinerityisgoingtobeiheexpaialpowerofbothprodudptioninAsiaatlarge.
[14]TodefineadesirableJapayIwouldliketopickouttheword“det”
whigtheadjectivesthatGeeOrwelloftenused，alongwithwordslike“humane”
，“sane”
and“ely”
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